The Society for Scientific Exploitation is dedicated to positive and rewarding research into paranormal or anomalous phenomena, as believed in and cherished by our beloved principal benefactors. The rare insight and vision with which they have been supremely gifted -- aptly demonstrated by bequests of their estates to fund our humble organization -- cannot possibly be overestimated. Indeed, it could be said that were it not for their feckless munificence the Society might not today exist!
Our mission is to fund and otherwise encourage selective scientific research into what many have termed "paranormal" phenomena; a broad term encompassing everything from water-witching to spoon bending to UFOs and alien abductions. By virtue of our benefactors' rather indulgent generosity, even scientists who are usually scoffed at or have been besieged by tawdry scandals are properly rewarded for their brave stands supporting what "mainstream science" views as highly dubious research. We are proud to be able to assist them in their poignant quest for respectability.
The reader may well wonder what makes our Society unique. After all, hasn't a great deal of paranormal research been undertaken by other groups and individuals all over the world since before the turn of the twentieth century?
What distinguishes the SSE from most scientific
We have learned the Secret of Success!
We have learned from extensive and painfully embarrassing experience that the participation or mere presence of qualified skeptics or skeptical magicians in scientific investigations of the paranormal invariably suppresses positive results! The reasons for this are as yet unknown. Many postulate that skeptics emit Gaussian- asymmetric psycho-temporal resonant interference patterns which inevitably collapse the phenomena's wave packets while their eigenvalues are still just short of unity.
Whatever the cause, this fact makes it quite clear that any affirmative and therefore profitable (i.e., best-selling) study of UFOs and the paranormal must include only those who already hold a priori convictions that reject any and all prosaic explanations for the phenomena.
However, one must recognize that it is essential to our continued fiscal viability that we maintain the air of cautious neutrality that any scientific organization must present in order to secure research grants and win tenure for its fellows. Therefore, it is imcumbent upon our members to prudently downplay any prior belief in these phenomena when dealing with the press or the public at large. Yet to ensure positive results from our research, we strive tirelessly to ignore even the slightest of doubts, whenever and wherever they arise.